Tuesday, July 8th, 2025 05:18 pm
Rogan/Mori: Lark of Hungry Ghosts asked me about the origination of plural role terms (which are apparently now this super-rigid straitjacket of How Plurals Must Be?). I dove into my records, and here's what I done found!

It's possible these terms were used earlier than I found here. These were the earliest I could find them in the multi files I have on hand.

Core: This terms looks to originate with Billy Milligan's case, in use by February 1980 in Wallace, Wallechinsky, Wallace, and Wallace's The Book of Lists #2: "In addition to his core self, Milligan has at least nine other personalities" (380) and 1981 in Keyes's The Minds of Billy Milligan. Seeing as Milligan was imprisoned for rape in 1977, it's possible "core" was used in earlier news stories about the case; I'd have to dig in. But Keyes quotes it (and "host") as being used by Cornelia Wilbur on page 50; she also treated Sybil. So: Wilbur, by 1980?

Helper: used by Ross, 1989: 
"Most persecutor personalities are in fact helpers who are using self-destructive strategies." (110).

Host: first attributed to Wilbur in Keyes, 1981: “the original Billy, sometimes known as the host or core personality” (50). So that explains why "host" and "core" get confused a lot in these things, it's because Wilbur conflated the two in Keyes!

Inner Self-Helper/ISH: Ralph Allison created it by 1977 in Hawkworth's The Five Of Me: "[Phil] was, in the beginning at least, hardly a personality at all, but rather what Dr. Allison refers to as an 'Ish'--an Inner Self-Helper[...] a separate personality whose sole function seems to be to prevent the other personalities from tearing the physical body apart." (20) Allison says he started treating multiples in 1972 (Hawksworth, 5), so 1972-1977.

Original: Wilbur again! She uses it in Keyes 1981 (50) and the term "original Sybil" is used a decent number of times (sorry, my ebook had no page numbers). Flora Rheta Schreiber wrote Sybil, but it seems sensible that Wilbur originated the term? So, by 1973 for adjective form, will have to dig for stand-alone noun.

Persecutor: Used by Ross (and Norton?) in 1989: 
"An interesting finding (Ross & Norton, 1989b) was a clinical triad of Schneiderian made-impulses, voices in the head, and suicide attempts. This traid should alert the clinican to the possibility of MPD, especially if the made impulse is self-destructive, and the voice is commanding suicide or is hostile and critical. The triad is indicative of the actibility of a dangerous persecutor personality" (Ross, 99)

Protector: Used by Hawksworth once in 1977 (72), but Keyes uses it more formally, declaring Ragen "the protector of the family" (xv).

 
 
"Caretaker" is proving weirdly hard to pin down, so I'm calling it quits on that one for now, but of all these other terms, all of them come from medical contexts. If they aren't outright, obviously created by therapists themselves (Ralph Allison, Cornelia Wilbur), they're cited in books that they were involved in--like Sybil or the Minds of Billy Milligan. These are terms created by medical personnel to compartmentalize and organize headmates like a stamp collection... and often deny us the right to self-determine or grow. There's an icky historical context there; there's a reason these terms were considered unfashionable tools of the oppressor when we came on the scene in 2007!

These therapists are not little tin gods you should worship. There's a reason Allison, Ross, and Wilbur have controversies about them! (And I'm not as knowledgeable about them as I should be because... well, read on.) So here's some information about that, as a sorta "multi beware, worship not your doctor" thing.

Why You Shouldn't Believe Everything Doctors Say )

Sources )
Tuesday, July 8th, 2025 05:29 pm

I had to present on my work for my team and some other people this morning, and it felt impossible to pitch it at a level that would reach both the people who know next to nothing about the work I lead on and the people who have been most intimately involved in doing it with me.

I missed a section, even with notes, which I think could've made it make a lot more sense. But also my line manager sent me a message immediately to say I spoke very well? I don't get it but I hope she's right!

Tags:
Monday, July 7th, 2025 09:15 am
We’re getting followed by folks from elsewhere on the Internet and seeing sentiments along the lines of “eep, I don’t know the social rules here,” so here’s how we conduct this blog!

Read more... )
Sunday, July 6th, 2025 10:11 pm

After a lunch I couldn't do more than pick at, and a difficult conversation that both did and didn't surprise me, regarding the particulars of the factually-inaccurate version of me that I already knew lived in someone else's head, and then having to talk to my parents (without being able to tell my mom "that is none of my business" all the time like I wanted to)... By the end of all that it was 8:30 and I was too exhausted to go seek out food even though I needed more food.

So when [personal profile] angelofthenorth offered to make me scrambled eggs on a couple of crumpets... "there's cream in the fridge...with tarragon...and cheese..." I wanted to say no (she's made so much of the food I've eaten lately!) but apparently my facial expression answered for me.

It was delicious and it helped so much.

My head still feels like a browser that has too many tabs open, but at least my body can crash now.

Tags:
Sunday, July 6th, 2025 11:10 am
And back! Will be out of town next weekend, so next chapter will go up Sunday, July 20th--unless my travel plans get catastrophically interrupted...

Read more... )
Saturday, July 5th, 2025 11:37 pm

D came along to lift club this morning! It's so much more fun when he's there.

This afternoon we had a snuggly nap.

When I woke up this evening, [personal profile] angelofthenorth was making amazing delicious food. It smelled so good. What a treat.

This evening, D and I had a couple beers and watched the Twins actually win a game! And explained things to [personal profile] angelofthenorth as they came up.

Saturday, July 5th, 2025 09:31 am
Mori: we have a rule here: when something terrible happens, we must resist the urge to go numb and paralyzed, and instead reinforce our bonds to others and do SOMETHING to build morale and fight back, if only in our own minds.

So when that Big Buttfucking Bill passed and I found out early because Social Security sent me an ass-licking email lying about how Trump was personally benefitting ME, I was pissed, and I ranted to my roommates: “I AM GOING TO EAT THIS MAN IN EFFIGY.”

And they said, “sounds good, can we join?”

WHY YES YOU CAN. )
Thursday, July 3rd, 2025 10:06 pm
Hello, friends! Has the current political climate got you down? Then come celebrate Pride with LB with a FREE showing of the Japanese musical theater show, Baddy: The Bad Lot Come From The Moon!

When: 6 PM Saturday, July 5th
Where: NESFA clubhouse, 504 Medford Street, Somerville, MA 02145

Plot summary (from TakaWiki): The story is set in the capital of Earth, Takarazuka-City. The peaceful planet Earth — a united world where war, crime, and all evils have been overcome — receives a visit from Baddy, a vagabond rogue from the moon. Baddy is a super-cool, elegant, and a heavy smoker. But he soon finds that smoking is outlawed across the face of the Earth. Baddy, accepting no limits, leads his gang and engages in all sorts of wrongdoing to make the dull world more interesting. His final goal is to steal the planetary budget guarded in Takarazuka Big Theater Bank. But all-mighty female investigator Goody is gaining on him!

The Takarazuka Revue is an all-female cast, performing male and female roles both, and Baddy is a confection of silliness, lobster costumes, public queerness, and passport forgery. Be here, be queer!

(This event is open to the public. But ain't nothing saying we can't have a multi contingent here to enjoy it...)
Thursday, July 3rd, 2025 01:38 pm

Yesterday was worse.

Making dinner was so hard I couldn't eat dinner. I just laid on my bed and couldn't talk or think properly at all.

It was scary because it meant that the problem wasn't contained in the immediate aftermath of counseling or whatever (not that I really expected it to be, given that I'd actually spent most of the session talking about how I was surprised not to be triggered by something that very reasonably could have been expected to leave me feeling really bad). And it was miserable.

I ended up sleeping for three or four hours and woke up because I needed to pee and D came to bed about that time. He thought I was asleep because I didn't move or talk. Until I had to get up for the bathroom and then after I came back to bed I was sobbing and we talked a little.

The conversation was good and useful. We came up with some plans. I know D has been struggling with poor sleep and I wouldn't have done this after midnight if I'd had much choice about it. But I did feel much better afterwards.

Today has started normally. But then so did yesterday (I was relieved when I could open the curtains and do chores while feeling okay), so who kmows.

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2025 09:29 am
Mori: our headspace has started having weather and seasons, but it’s not as marked in changes as out here. It gets cold enough to snow sometimes but rarely sticks, it gets up to maybe eighty, warm but not HOT, and while it rains more often than it snows, it’s pretty much never windy. Rawlin has slept outdoors here her entire life (a woman her size finds human-size dwellings claustrophobic) and is fine; between her fur coat, a poncho, and her winter den above the hot springs, she’s always been able to make herself comfortable.

But this summer has been hot, and she’s been fronting way more, leading us to learn that she overheats pretty quickly. Makes sense, since she barely sweats.

What’s more, she SHEDS. Still not as bad as our roomy cat, though.
Tuesday, July 1st, 2025 09:02 pm

I could barely do the morning chores I usually feel neutral-to-positive about this morning -- I open the curtains, unload the dishwasher, make a pot of tea, get breakfast for myself... Things that are always the same and always different. It can be very grounding.

Today I wasn't especially tired and I wasn't in pain or anything, I just didn't want to. I couldn't imagine doing the first tiniest step.

This is a sign of burnout. I need a break. I was telling my counselor this evening that a break for me has to be somewhere away from my house, because my house is full of reminders of chores I need to do, things that get on my nerves, etc. I am not good at relaxing, but when I can do it it doesn't tend to happen at home.

I did an okay amount of work today but near the end of the day I was in this focus group about "inclusion" in our workplace. These things can be kinda therapeutic but by the end I was thinking that we keep having surveys and stuff like this, where we tell some nice external person all our woes and we're assured that the feedback is anonymized into themes that cannot identify us, but all that means is our specific nuanced articulations all get flattened in to "we all have good colleagues who care about their work but the executive team keep letting us down," and we're going to get the same kind of response from said executive team about how impressed they are at everyone's honesty and how committed they are to addressing these themes, and then we'll do this all over again in a year or two.

I felt really tired by the end of it, which wasn't great because it was almost time for my first counseling session in almost a month. A real "let me explain, no there is too much let me sum up" kind of situation.

My counseling happens on the phone and usually in my bedroom; I normally come right back downstairs in search of dinner, but this time I just lay on my bed for something ridiculous like an hour. I kept trying to get up and go back downstairs but again: so many steps. And it was relatively peaceful just lying there.

Since I had to come downstairs and try to eat dinner I'm feeling more depersonalization, so maybe all of this has been more stressful or triggery than I realized. I hate feeling like this; is probably the most uncomfortable symptom of my anxiety/depression.

Tuesday, July 1st, 2025 11:55 am
Hey everybody, it's that time again: time to vote for which stuff gets the LiberaPay/Patreon money this month!

As always, anyone can vote (please do!), but LiberaPay and Patreon patrons get double weight for their votes.  (Due to Patreon's porn purges, I really encourage you to use LiberaPay, if you get a choice.) If you want to see the blurbs for any of these works, those are here!  (You can also leave your requests there; requesting a story or essay is always free!) If you don't have a DW and so can't do the poll, that's okay; just leave your vote in the comments below; anon comments are turned on.

Which works gets the money, and thus posted this month?  YOU CHOOSE, readers!

Poll #33310 2025 July Fan Poll
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 22


Did you toss LiberaPay/Patreon money my way last month?

View Answers

Yes (my votes count double)
6 (100.0%)

What writing gets posted this month?

View Answers

Infinity Smashed: Born Lucky
4 (19.0%)

Reverend Alpert: the Traveling Exorcist
3 (14.3%)

Henchwench for Hire (F/F supervillainy)
7 (33.3%)

Rutless (trans omegaverse porno)
3 (14.3%)

Flights of Reality (the Cursed City)
0 (0.0%)

Anatomy of a Dance
4 (19.0%)

The Boy Whose Heart Is Home
3 (14.3%)

The Battleaxe and the Blood-Eater
1 (4.8%)

The Hands of a Dozen Strangers (touch essay)
13 (61.9%)

What art/comic/zine gets posted this month?

View Answers

Cult Comix
5 (23.8%)

Death Watch
5 (23.8%)

How it Was, How It Is
2 (9.5%)

2012 hospital sketchbook
2 (9.5%)

2013 Homeless Year sketchbook
2 (9.5%)

2014 AllFam sketchbook
2 (9.5%)

Blushing and Scent (Mori/Rawlin fluff)
9 (42.9%)

Red Tape Hell (disability farce)
11 (52.4%)

Tags:
Monday, June 30th, 2025 07:55 am
Because we live like we will have to move or go couch-surfing at a moment’s notice, we have gotten pretty ruthless about our physical possessions. Nothing destroys sentimentality like having to lug it on your back over and over! So many of our childhood beloved books have been weeded; we got what we needed from them and thus liberated them unto new adventures.

There is one exception: an omnibus of the first three Callahan’s books, by Spider Robinson.so here’s to you, Mr. Robinson, loonies love you more than you will know! )
Sunday, June 29th, 2025 08:49 pm

D and I spent the afternoon wandering around Sparkle, supporting local queer and trans creators by purchasing many stickers and suchlike for V and D's girlfriend who weren't able to make it, having ice cream, getting excited about the many good dogs we saw, and then going for cocktails and taking a photo of ourselves kissing.

Saturday, June 28th, 2025 06:40 pm

I didn't get as far as Sparkle on its first day today but I did go to the Village for a meal with a local disabled group (moat of whom are also queer/trans) which I'm adjacent to, with a friend who needed a PA.

(I was glad to learn that I can still queer this friend/PA binary; it used to make up my whole employment for like five years.)

I got to my friend's house before we went out. They had glitter on their face and offered me some. I love glitter but it was the kind of hot day where I started sweating as soon as I got out of the shower. After having to hustle over to their house, my face was so sweaty I told them not to bother putting it on my face because I'd just sweat it off. Of course I had a sleeveless t-shirt on (the one D bought me at last year's Sparkle!) so they offered to put it on my shoulders. Pretty soon both my upper arms were covered in pink, purple and blue glitter, it was great.

When I got home, D saw me and pointed this out of course (as well as my "painted for the first time in five years" fingernails (chrome with rainbow sparkles over them).

I said it'd be the perfect time to flex my biceps, now that they're extra gay.

"Guy-ceps!" he said. "Guy for guy-ceps."

Saturday, June 28th, 2025 08:53 am
Mori: as a reward for getting through some crummy medical shit, I trawled a used book store for lady speculative fiction! (We’ve realized that it’s a lot easier to let ourself buy it with the glee that even if WE don’t enjoy it, the sci-fi library insures OTHERS will! And while the sci-fi library is well-stocked with “traditional” sci-fi publishers, it is really lacking in speculative work for queer and women’s presses and such.) I have taken on three of the four now...
  1. “Sultana’s Dream”, by Rokeya Sakhawat Hossain. 1905 Bengali Muslim biting satire about a carless future society where women rule and all the men have to stay indoors and never be perceived by humans outside their servants and immediate family. The edition I had shared the short story and then all the historical, cultural, and personal context as to WHY the story got made, who the author was (a feminist who fought hard for women’s rights in now-Bangladesh) and why it matters. Very historically interesting and edifying! (Also, for real, I do love the fantasy of Garden Future where all roads look like gorgeous garden paths because cars don’t exist and everyone moves by walking or floating helicopter/zeppelin thingies! In 1905, a carless future was imaginable! When the narrator regrets treading on such pretty flowers, another character tells her not to worry, these are special street flowers that can’t be harmed by feet!)

  2. Return to Isis, by Jean Stewart. 1992 lesbian separatist post-apocalyptic matriarchy story. Didn’t finish; everyone was just kind of unpleasant to each other, and if you’re going to write evil rapist men, I damn well require you understand how misogynist rape works. (I am probably the equivalent of the lawyer going “ugh” whenever they have to watch a courtroom drama, when it comes to the study of human sexual douchebaggery, though.) First book of five book series; maybe she got better as she went on, but I have other books to read!

  3. Madame Aurora, by Sarah Aldridge. 1983 historical novel about two girlfriends in their seventies at the turn of the last century who, struggling with money and disability, decides to set one of them up as a spiritual advisor, and the events that follow. I really enjoyed this one! Old ladies who still bang! Sordid history! Is it psychic or is she just really intuitive? What’s the deal with that scabby old Colonel? Aldridge does a good job, I think, of writing even unpleasant characters with an understanding of why they are how they are. Refreshing!


All that remains now is Katherine V. Forrest’s Daughters of a Coral Dawn. Forrest is apparently a better mystery writer than sci-fi (and I read one and liked it!) but I am willing to give it a shot and declare it library-worthy if I can’t stand it.

A successful booking!
Friday, June 27th, 2025 04:52 pm

I have to write a bio to advertise a keynote speech I've agreed to deliver later in the summer.

I'm finding that coming up with more than one sentence to describe myself/my job is probably a lot harder than the speech will be itself!

Tags:
Thursday, June 26th, 2025 08:50 pm

I refuse to talk about work again, and nothing else happens to me lately, but luckily here is a giant meme from [personal profile] used_songs:

80 questions! )

Tags:
OSZAR »